I am in the process of migrating my blog to another server! Please look for me over at http://heartacheintobeauty.blogspot.com. Don’t forget to update your feed readers if you are following me that way.

I’ve become increasingly dissatisfied with WordPress, particularly the limits on customization and the policy forbidding ads and sponsors. The blogging community here is also not very active or connected.

I’m copying all of my posts to my new server, but unfortunately it means your comments are going to be lost Of course, feel free to drop by and re-comment!

Thanks!

You guys, how did I not know this??  Now I can buy lots of cross-stitch thread and use all of my cross-stitch-ready towels and such, and fulfill my dreams of stitching up towels with silly and snarky messages a-la Subversive Cross Stitch.

But seriously, I love counted cross-stitch.  It’s so zen – so calming to the mind and body, to just relax into the rhythm of counting and stitching.  It’s really good for my anxiety since it helps quiet the mind.  My Mom used to cross-stitch when I was a kid, which is how I got it in my head to try it.  I need to do more of it, but my lack of access to supplies had limited me to kits that came with everything needed to complete a project. The kits are good, though, because they provide easy instructions on how to start,  how to make the stitches needed for the project, etc.  My first project was a colorful and relatively simple kit that taught me 3 basic stitches.  The back is a mess, but I really like the result!

Right now I’m working on a kit that, when finished, will show a puppy sleeping on a blanket with the words “Never underestimate the power of a nap.”  I’ve been working on this one for… well, let’s just say I started it a long time ago

So which crafts do you do to relax – what is your crafting zen?  Let me know in the comments!

Related articles

• The Making of The Subversive Cross Stitch Parade Cover (craftzine.com)
• The Countdown Begins! (thisisthecraftyone.wordpress.com)
• Subversive Cross-Stitch by a Prisoner of War (neatorama.com)

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Cheers and cold beers!

I tested out my new camera by taking photos of my altar, newly set up for the winter sabbats.  The lit candle in the center is my Yule candle from last winter.  As you can see from what little is left of it, it’s been a rough year.

Yes, my crystals asked to be arranged in the shape of a wave.  Perhaps I was channeling the god of radio signals?

Also on my altar are (clockwise from bottom) 2 pieces of sacred jewelry, candles dedicated to the Goddess of Reflections and Mama Cocha, my tools, a stuffed tiger “fetish” of sorts protecting my chant journal and several tarot decks, and a flute gifted to me recently by a coven mate.

Hope everyone is having a good December.  The solstice will be here in just a week, and then the days will start getting lighter again – hurray!

Related articles

• Oak, Holly, and Yuletide Jollies (witchesofthecraft.com)
• MY TURN | Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays (kitsapsun.com)

I’ve also been re-evaluating the purpose of this blog.  Perhaps it’s too narrowly focused, and would benefit from being more broad in what I post here – like, being more about spirituality in general (with posts about depression/anxiety from a pagan perspective), rather than *just* depression/anxiety from a pagan perspective.

While I ponder that, have a funny but very poignant look at the cycle of depression from Hyperbole and a Half:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

Right now I am drinking tea, watching cheesy Halloween movies like Teen Wolf and Queen of the Damned (later on I will watch Hocus Pocus), and giving out candy to trick-or-treaters.  So far, only one kid has come costumeless – as is my policy, I gave her a hard time but gave her a piece of candy anyway.

Ah – I spoke too soon.  A whole gaggle of teenage boys just showed up with no costumes.  Seriously, is it so difficult to even put on a little spooky make-up?  Borrow your sister’s eyeliner if you have to.  Sheesh.

Jack told me he’s never seen Hocus Pocus and has no interest in watching it with me.  Say what?  It’s like, practically a Halloween tradition to watch it.  Bette Midler, Sara Jessica Parker ( “Amok!  Amok amok amok!”), and Kathy Najimy as 3 sister witches running… well, amok in modern-day Salem – what’s not to love?

Later I will raise a toast to my ancestors and departed loved ones, and leave a shot on the mantle for them.  Hopefully we have some whiskey to leave for my Celtic ancestors.  If not, I get the feeling both my Celtic and Germanic roots would appreciate the glory that is tequila.  Hail to the ancestors!

What are your Samhain traditions?

My cousins pretty much sum up how I feel about this week:

I’ve been trying to be nice to myself to at least balance things out, and possibly cheer myself up.  Some of this involved pampering myself, deservedly so.  So far this week:

1. Holed up in my room with Hulu and a beer.
2. Went to the salon and got my hair shampooed (the best part!), trimmed, and blow-dried (also quite nice).  I seriously had to resist the urge to make happy noises while she was playing with my hair.
3. Convinced my boyfriend to play with my hair while we watched Restaurant Impossible.  And made lots of happy noises.
4. Had a really delicious chocolate cupcake.  Okay, two.
5. Made myself a really big mug of hot chocolate.  Seriously, this mug can hold about 2 normal mugs worth of hot chocolate, and that makes me so happy.  I’m thoroughly enjoying that right now.
6. Listened to my friends Peter and SarahKat on their podcast, We Like This Now.  (You should go listen too.  They’re pretty awesome, and taste-test a new beer each week.)

I’m debating whether I should go to Target after work for some retail therapy.  It would be kind of fun to have some new clothes to wear to a party I’m going to Saturday night.  And it would seriously boost my step count for the 2011 Walk & Ride Challenge.

Alright, you know what?  This calls for some serious pick-me-up music.  As SarahKat said of this song, “that was bananas!”  I like bananas.  Bananas are good.  Have some bananas.

In this ritual, we are visited by 3 aspecting priests/priestesses – the Raven of the Void, the White Lady, and the Sun King.  The Raven compels us to dig deep and keen out all of the negativity from the past year, releasing it into the void.  Then the White Lady and the Sun King help us to find our inner light to carry us through the next year.

The keening had me facing many of my demons.  I cried and screamed like I never have before.  I found myself experiencing, very powerfully, the vision of my depression – a dark, endless, turbulent pool filled with grasping beings pulling me down.  Allowing myself to bring all of my pain to the surface for the keening, while cathartic, made it that much more difficult to free myself from it when it came time to find the light.

I don’t even remember what the White Lady or Sun King said.  I stood there quietly whimpering, trapped in this vision of drowning.  Finally I called out on the astral for help.  I saw the moon appear, and its reflection shone down on the water.  Then the reflection of the moon solidified into a platform, with a ladder.  A goddess’ hand reached down from the sky and pulled me up onto the platform, and calmed the waters.  I rested on the platform, shaken and battered and worn out, but at peace for the moment.

Image by peasap via Flickr

It’s a good tool for a quick self-assessment of my emotional state.  I bring up that vision and feel out where I am in that scenario – am I underwater?  holding on to the platform?  On the platform?  Sitting here at my desk, I took a quick look with my inner eye and realized I’m actually sitting cross-legged on top of the platform, gazing up at the moon.

And when I’m feeling like I’m drowning, I can use the imagery of the moon platform to calm down and gather myself.  Sometimes I can only grasp onto the side, or swim closer.  It’s even helpful just knowing it’s there when I need it.

Related articles

• Sacred Moon (lookingglasspoetry.com)
• Would you light my candle? (heartacheintobeauty.wordpress.com)

Hades & Persephone - Image via Wikipedia

One year ago at Mabon, Hades (aspected by my high priest) recognized that I was drowning in my own emotional pain.  He told me that I needed to use my pain to propel me forward.

At the time I had no idea what this meant.  How can the thing that’s drowning you also move you forward?  So I let it mull for a very long time.

I figured out recently that writing in this blog is how I am doing that.  I’m using this blog as a tool to air out all that emotional crap and find new ways to heal and move on with my life.  It’s like when you’re floundering in big waves at the beach – you use the forward movement of the waves to propel you back to shore.